Jovial Kick In The Nads

19 Dec

I don’t want to limit their earning potential but men should not be in the marketing business for women’s products. Nope. The one and only article of proof I need offer up is, “Have a happy period”. How about you go have a jovial kick in the nads? Hmmm? Maybe  an enjoyable ass probe with a steak knife? I also wish happy black eyes and festering genital boils to the dildo who thought up the notion that pads and tampons need to be pretty. You know what’s not pretty? Going to bed on clean  750 thread count Egyptian cotton white sheets and waking up on a bloody Japanese flag.

I’m sorry but the entire process is not pretty, happy, enjoyable or clean. It’s not fun to have to ask your BFF or compact mirror to make sure you haven’t bled through your pants every 20 minutes. And while we are on the subject of clothing, who the fuck ever wears white that week? Yet in the commercials the chicks are always wearing white, bouncing on a white bed and having a grand time with their man. I don’t care if it was my wedding night; none of those things would be happening if Bloody Mary crashed the party. I have very bad news for those of you in your 20’s with your 3 day-painless-barely there periods.

Look at us be young and frolic.   On our periods nonetheless!!!

 Enjoy that. Once you have kids and/or turn 30; the gates of hell will open up in your abdomen for like 1o solid days of holy fuck I am cramping and bleeding to death. Kinda like this:

Not even three super tampons and ten Motrin an hour will save your pretty panties from the massacre or  put a dent in your cramps and over all shittiness. If modern medicine can’t save your ass from curling up into a ball of pain and misery in the cave you call your messy dark room , then how is a polka-dotted tampon wrapper supposed to?

Instead of these:

I’m thinking something more along these lines,  now this is just a proto-type, but you get my idea:

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3 Responses to “Jovial Kick In The Nads”

  1. Anonymous December 20, 2011 at 12:29 AM #

    Laughed my ass off! Hilarious!!

  2. Mandy Martin December 19, 2011 at 11:50 PM #

    I had those kinds of periods when I was a teenager. Who would have thought I would thank God that I had a hysterectomy at 27? I now walk down that aisle at the grocery store and just laugh my ass off.

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