Purge

1 Dec

 The only things I really collect are shoes, snappy replies and resentment. My emotional stability is threatened by the weight of my  hoarding activities so something is going to have to be purged to make room for shoes and witty remarks. Farewell, resentment! Not the “I wish I had done whatever” resentment, but the “that person is seriously pissing me off ” resentment. So Kittens, consider this your warning that you all are in the resentment vomit splash zone.

  • *The Girl told me she shared my blog with her Grandma, who responded, “I am disappointed in your mother” after reading one paragraph. I know I am not for every one and that is ok BUT I think you never say shit like that to a Mom’s kid.  Especially mine who will likely scorch your ass with examples of how you are not perfect.  This comment really struck me. It didn’t make me regret my writing, but that I possibly fell a little in my daughter’s eyes. I imagined she likely felt a  little pain with her grandmother’s comment but I thought wrong. She replied with a , ” I AM proud of her”. That was so much better than any black eye I could have given.

*Recently I have had a few people on my personal Face Book page say some really off shit…I was offended so you know it was waaaaaay over the line. And a person who has revealed themsleves to be a user- wanting to use my work to further their career and agenda.  I’ve been pretty pissed to tell you the truth about it. Hurt by it. I don’t take this blog lightly, it’s the culmination of sweat, tears, vinegar and feelings- a mixed drink that is hard to create over and over. It’s work, real work that most times is obnoxiously fun but some times wrangles the feelings right out of my heart. Words that must escape before a nuclear melt down ensues.  My fans on the Skinny Cat FB page are my little community of crazy where they get me and I them; our little corner to binge and purge knowing we are all pals and in the same boat floating down the WTF river.  To have some one try to use that group of my kindred spirits to further them selves makes me rage. It’s been weighing on me and causing many an emergency call and text to Carrie. Which made me ponder why in the hell are they my Friend on FB, much less in real life,  to begin with? Not any more , they’re not, because of the simple action of Un Friending. No announcement needed, no declaration of war. Just a silent action that speaks loudly and clearly that they are no longer in the circle of awesome.

*While chatting with my sister this weekend, we rolled into a subject that we always come around to: our Mom. For once I didn’t fill with anxiety, pain and puke. I just said, “I don’t care about it anymore”.  I’m over the resentment, hurt and anguish, hurtful emails, words, punches, assaults and all. I kept coming back to this paragraph during editing thinking there must be more to say about this because of the subject. But there is not and that was the second moment that something bigger than I am reiterated to me that I am over it. I didn’t plan on it- just one of those moments when all of me said I don’t care any more and the universe whispered back, “Well done”-  and I instantly felt lighter, stronger and faster.

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4 Responses to “Purge”

  1. carriefalquist December 1, 2011 at 9:59 AM #

    High five to you my friend. And I’ll always be here for your emergency texts and calls. Even if you have to do so from your sad, retarded phone. ❤

    • Honey Badger Press December 1, 2011 at 10:08 AM #

      I can always count on you to harass my poor choices in technology.

  2. Theresa Sóbhrag Pittman December 1, 2011 at 6:32 AM #

    I cheer and salute you for being “over it”.

  3. Mandy Martin December 1, 2011 at 2:16 AM #

    Brava, darlin’, Brava!

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