Last week The Girl, my niece and I spent a marathon four days painting the new house in New City. We worked hard- chain gang hard- painting all rooms. The A/C wasn’t quite in working order and one day was 106. One hundred and six! I don’t know about you guys – but when I paint from 7 AM until 2 AM the next day- I tend to get a little crabby and a lot hungry. Maybe the other way around. As a little treat- I take the girls to The Olive Garden. Now I wouldn’t usually count that particular pasta establishment as a “treat” but in New City it’s one of the few choices and hot garlicy bread sticks were sounding pretty good about then! We get there and the pasta God’s were smiling down on us because there was zero wait! Onto the booth and in short order the bread sticks and cold drinks are on the way! We receive cold drinks and equally cold bread sticks. Holy crap- please don’t let this be a trend! The girls order, then I order…
“I would like the lasagna!” Hot, cheesy oh so bad for my thighs lasagna!
“We’re out of that.”
“What? You’re a pasta place- how can you be out of lasagna?”
“We don’t have any thawed out and it will take 45 minutes to thaw and cook. Would you like to order something else?”
Seriously? WTF? Now I know I am hearing shit- did she just say my lasagna is FROZEN? I don’t know about you guys- but if I am going to drop $60 plus on a meal- I want there to be some Italian guy chained to a stove fucking hand making my lasagna otherwise- I would have just bought a family sized box of Stouffer’s.
“It’s frozen!?!?” with a you better tell me the truth or I will ass rape you with this cold bread stick look.
Terrified waitress says, “Well, no. The Chef makes it- then freezes it.”
“So. It’s. Frozen.”
Waitress walks away quickly. The Manager arrives soon afterwards to explain the miracle that just happened in the kitchen. Surprise! A mystery pan of hot lasagna was just found in the oven. Jesus must have put it there because he knew hell and the apocalypse was about to break out in The Olive Garden and end the world forever!
“Awesome. I will take the microwaved frozen lasagna, please”.