I’ll Have The Hot and Cheesy WTF Plate

13 Jul

Last week The Girl, my niece and I spent a marathon four days painting the new house in New City. We worked hard- chain gang hard- painting all rooms. The A/C wasn’t quite in working order and one day was 106. One hundred and six! I don’t know about you guys – but when I paint from 7 AM until 2 AM the next day- I tend to get a little crabby and a lot hungry. Maybe the other way around. As a little treat- I take the girls to The Olive Garden. Now I wouldn’t usually count that particular pasta establishment as a “treat” but in New City it’s one of the few choices and hot garlicy bread sticks were sounding pretty good about then! We get there and the pasta God’s were smiling down on us because there was zero wait! Onto the booth and in short order the bread sticks and cold drinks are on the way! We receive cold drinks and equally cold bread sticks. Holy crap- please don’t let this be a trend! The girls order, then I order…

“I would like the lasagna!” Hot, cheesy oh so bad for my thighs lasagna!
“We’re out of that.”
“What? You’re a pasta place- how can you be out of lasagna?”
“We don’t have any thawed out and it will take 45 minutes to thaw and cook. Would you like to order something else?”
Seriously? WTF? Now I know I am hearing shit- did she just say my lasagna is FROZEN? I don’t know about you guys- but if I am going to drop $60 plus on a meal- I want there to be some Italian guy chained to a stove fucking hand making my lasagna otherwise- I would have just bought a family sized box of Stouffer’s.
“It’s frozen!?!?” with a you better tell me the truth or I will ass rape you with this cold  bread stick look.
Terrified waitress says, “Well, no. The Chef makes it- then freezes it.”
“So. It’s. Frozen.”
Waitress walks away quickly. The Manager arrives soon afterwards to explain the miracle that just happened in the kitchen. Surprise! A mystery pan of hot lasagna was just found in the oven. Jesus must have put it there because he knew hell and the apocalypse was about to break out in The Olive Garden and end the world forever!
“Awesome. I will take the microwaved frozen lasagna, please”.

3 Responses to “I’ll Have The Hot and Cheesy WTF Plate”

  1. ConstanTripp July 13, 2011 at 6:14 PM #

    Commissary Restaurants…. that's what all of the chain restaurants are. Almost EVERYTHING is cook at a factory and shipped frozen… then thawed and microwaved. You think you are getting a fresh cooked pork chop at Denny's? Nope.. it comes in a baggie and it's micro'd and put on your plate. That Alfredo you paid $12 for??? Yep.. a baggie. That biscuit & gravy – frozen biscuit and package gravy. You see, they don't have trained chefs or cooks at those places; they have kitchen managers and food preparers. If you want something that is cooked from scratch, you will have to find a privately owned restaurant.
    PS. When you find a POR…. cherish it and let other's know about it… that's the only way it can stay open.

  2. clare suzanne July 13, 2011 at 4:58 PM #

    How disappointing… I always thought they were better than that.

  3. Sidney July 13, 2011 at 4:54 PM #

    Your lasagna should be drenched it hot awesome sauce. [going to vote…]

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