Now, I am almost 40. Four-fuckity- D. I have been trying to lose 60 pounds since 2/13 of THIS year. As of today, I have only lost 12. TWELVE! I may have to kill a goat and make an offering to Satan in order to lose more weight. And it’s too bad I just thought of that because I just gave my only goat away to my brother and it has probably already been offered to the bar-b-que. Hope Satan likes annoying coworkers- plenty of those around to sacrifice. Why is it that now- when I would totally appreciate effortlessly losing poundage- that the puppet masters of my reality turn off my metabolism and make it possible for me to gain a pound and a chin just by smelling food. What kind of sadistic Jedi magic trick is that? And as if the inability to lose weight isn’t bad enough, lets add some salt to the bloody wound of a trainwreck I call my life, shall we?
Below is a FB Chat With Carrie. We get paid for this. I bet our bosses are blissfully unaware that they are paying us for this, but we’ll just file that away in the That’s What They Get For Having A Crappy Dress Code file.
Me: Seriously cutting into nekkid sexy time. WTF is that about?? Our age?