Gentle Reminder

22 Apr

Ok Kittens, it’s Easter weekend. Yeah ! Here in Texas that means an egg hunt to find tasty candy and crushing cascarones on your cousins head…or creepy Uncle Bob’s. I think it’s the only day on the calendar that kids can smack an adult in the noggin and not get their ass handed to them and put in time out. So get revenge now while Jesus says it’s ok. There will also be bar-b-que. Lots and lots of hot dogs (blech) , sausage, ribs, chicken, brisket and any other small fuzzy and tasty items from the animal kingdom. (Insert menacing music here).

Here’s my advice for staying  Queen of the Get Healthy Parade while your friends and relatives are getting high on chocolate bunnies, marshmallows and a shit ton of roasted farm animals. Don’t go. Did you hear me? Avoid them. They will make you eat your weight in ribs, cake, potato salad, beans, bread and that weird green Jell-O salad shaped like a UFO that someone always brings and no one ever likes. They will tell you to have a bit of that, a tad of this, a pinch of whatever…just a little won’t hurt you. Next thing you know, your ass won’t fit through the door and you have to stay the night until Mother Nature kicks you in the guts in the restroom. And guess whats for breakfast? You got it, left over Easter. Wrapped in a tortilla. Topped with cheese.

If you must go, then pack your own liquid diet. Wine, beer whatever kills your appetite. Healthy? No. But desperate times call for desperate measures. At the very least your icy cold adult beverage will be your drinkable courage so you will have the fortitude to kick the food monster in the balls. Just be careful. Don’t drink so much that you get all warm and fuzzy and feel up Grandma or tongue kiss your cousin. Your brother WILL post those pictures to Facebook and add them to the next family slide show.

Eat this:

Get This:

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2 Responses to “Gentle Reminder”

  1. howtoskinnyacat @ blogspot April 23, 2011 at 3:07 AM #

    LOL! Redneck egg hunt…sounds like a Country song! P.S. We will all be wearing boots and packing heat.

  2. Christina April 22, 2011 at 4:26 PM #

    The movie star at a red neck egg hunt love it!

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