Freedom: More Than Hot Dogs & Fireworks

4 Jul

If you know me- then you know I am a die-hard American. I love this Country. These United States of America are the most free on the planet Earth. Over this weekend – when we are celebrating those very freedoms- let’s not forget to think of our Army, Marines, Navy, Air Force, Coast Guard and National Guard fighters- who volunteer to put their asses, dreams and lives on hold and on  the line- so we can enjoy our selves, pursue our dreams and unapologetically build our lives exactly as we want them.  Thank them. Offer them a hand, a hug.

I know I am going to make a few international readers mad today. Know I am not hating on your Country- I am just expressing my love and devotion for mine. I know we are not perfect- we have our issues for sure. I don’t like our current administration- and I am referring to all of the lying scuzzbags in D.C.- not just Obama. I don’t like some of the things we are doing in this world right now. But I can say that , and all of the other things I say here, because this country stands for freedom and liberty. No one is going to show up at my door and stone me for my blog or expressing my political views. If they should try- I also have the freedom to protect myself with words, fists or a .357 Magnum.

Even though we have freedom of speech- I don’t necessarily agree when people use it (but that’s ok- it’s their right). For instance, over this holiday weekend I have heard two people say they hate this country. Hate their country. I am always truly amazed when people- especially women- say they want to leave here and live elsewhere. Maybe it’s a romantic notion and they have some weird fantasy that they can act exactly as they do here- anywhere. Nowhere else can you speak, be, learn, work, excel financially, build a business, vote for leaders, choose a doctor, own personal and real estate property like we can. Today in the grocery store- a woman was talking to her companion and said, “I hate the US I just want to leave and live in another country”. Uh oh. You know I said something, right? “Well, let me buy a ticket for you then. Seriously” Perhaps to Syria, Libya, Iran or some other country that says women are chattel-  property to be owned, raped and killed. Maybe to one where they don’t have a grocery store because there is no food.” She was shocked- how dare I. How dare she.

There are so many people coming here in droves from every country to taste the land of the free. So I say to anyone wanting to leave this country because you hate Her, because you do not love Her, honor Her and feel grateful for your unbelievable luck to have been born to Her- give up your spot. Give it to an immigrant who risked life and limb to get here, left their families and roots- just to have a shot at the American dream. A shot at any opportunity you choose to make for yourself. Give up your freedom and liberty to a woman who spends every hour in a burka and being beaten and raped by her husband so she can feel warm sunshine on her skin and heal her spirit. Give it to a child in a foreign orphanage who just needs a chance to blossom into the next great American scientist, engineer or artist. To have the opportunities that are afforded us. To have the luxury of just being. Let them live here, work here, build here and be party to our foundation and community. Let them have a shot and you can take their spot in whatever oppressive place they came from. Then tell me how bad it is here and how much you hate this Country. My Country.

If you have never taken the three minutes to read our Declaration of Independence, do it now. If you have, read it again. Then thank your God, your Goddess,  your chicken, your troll doll, your lucky stars or whatever because here- you are free to worship whatever and whomever you like. Or not at all. Thank the universe that you should be so lucky to have found yourself in the land of the free. The home of the brave.

I even did the work for you and pasted it below.

IN CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.
The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America
When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.–That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, –That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.–Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people, and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people. Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.
We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

You’re Gonna Get Your Feelers Hurt: Love Is In The Air….Not So Much.

3 Mar

Love and hate is in the air, Kittens! The sun is out, the flowers are blooming and every one is shedding their winter parkas, getting down to date weight and kicking their over cooked relationships to the curb. Ouch! There are more feelers in the air than there are allergens and everyone seems to be kicking it into Spring cleaning mode just a little too early. Can’t we at least get a tan on Spring Break first? Have it your way, Kittens, let’s answer some hate mail and spread some butt hurt around the interwebs. But I warn you… you’re gonna get your feelers hurt.

My boyfriend is starting to lose his hair right up front. Should I bring it up and offer to help him?

Is your goal to be single? Then yes. If you love this dude and care about his ego and feelers, then no. Hell no! Do you seriously You Cant Control Everything_ Your Hair think he doesn’t obsess over that already? You can bet while he is staring at his hairline in the bathroom mirror that he is also cursing his over use of his college baseball cap and his bad deal from the gene pool. He is also  considering selling a kidney to get a platinum membership to  Hair Club for Men. How would you feel if he let you know that your ass has hail damage, your boobs are sagging or your lady area isn’t what it used to be? These are all things you would be acutely aware of already, things you hope no one else on the planet will notice. If he so much as hinted at these issues to you- you would no doubt spin into a tornado of hate, vinegar and claws. If he ever brings up his hair (BIG IF) then be cool about it, let him know he is still the sexy beast you fell for, that you hadn’t noticed but if he feels like taking some sort of action that you will support him and keep that little secret to yourself. BAM! Instant best girlfriend ever.

My wife and I have been married for 5 years and we have two children. We have not been intimate in over a year and I attributed it to kids, work, schedules, etc.  Recently I discovered that she has been looking at singles groups, messaging with men and even texting them.  She won’t be intimate with me yet she can talk to a strangers like this? Do I consider us done and move on?

Tell your wife that you have seen her activity but refrain from being angry, making threats,  etc. Let her know you love her and Ill love you forever or until I get bored 7.25.12that her behavior hurts you, makes you sad and makes you feel rejected. Let her know it chips away your trust and that it is unacceptable to you for your partner to have steamy interweb chats much less cruising single’s sites. Let her know you would like to rebuild your relationship and step one is that she must stop the emotional cheating… because that is what she is doing. She is seeking,  and getting , special places and intimate feeling attention from someone other than the one she promised to share that part of her with. Cruising a dating site , and then communicating with people on that site, is unacceptable for anyone in a committed relationship. Period. If she says no to stopping her behavior, hedges in anyway or tries to tell you it’s harmless fun- then she has chosen to ignore your feelings and you must decide for yourself if you can live with it or if you need to move on. Life is too short to love like that.

My daughter is getting married for the second time. She wants another traditional wedding, white dress and all! She already has children and wants them IN the wedding! I think a low-key affair would be best and also in good taste. 

WOW! My BFF is getting married for the second time, her beautiful children are going to be prominent in the ceremony and I am BEGGING her to buy a gorgeous white dress she tried on (it made us both cry… this is how we know it’s the one). I don’tYou Are About To Exceed The Limits Of My Medication 7.11.12 know who your daughter’s Maid of Honor is- but I hope she reads this then sits you down and tells you, “It’s not your wedding! It’s not your wedding! It’s not your wedding!”. Is there a law somewhere that says she can’t have a white dress? Are you afraid she will dirty it up? I really, REALLY, hope you don’t say these feelings out loud to her. Because they really smack of you judging her, that maybe you think she is less than pure and worthy and maybe a tad bit of jealousy. Is it possible that her Groom To Be makes her feel shiny and new? Maybe she has found “Her Person” and wants to celebrate big and make sure her babies feel loved, accepted and included by his family. Or maybe this is just her preference. Whatever her reasons are, she is your daughter, and you need to smile, be happy, support her, cry over her fantasy dress when you see her in it and protect her from nasty comments like the ones you just made. I am my BFF’s Maid of Power and if ANYONE dares to mess up her Big Day Dress Shopping Extravaganza… I will shout in their face that “IT’S NOT YOUR WEDDING. IT’S HERS!!”. Then I will throw them out of the salon on their catty mean asses. PS It’s not your wedding.

Am I wrong , Kittens? Sound off below!

Middle School Dodge Ball Strikes Again

16 Feb

Finally, after 2.5 years of blogging, I get tagged.  A good game of blog tag is much like a middle school game of dodge ball: only the cool kids get to play, if you get picked you best be awesome (and fast) and the game will end with black eyes and bruised feelers. I must tell you that Dribbles & Grits tagged me then calmly let me know that if I break the blog chain of tagging- that my cat will fall into a juicer and the world could possibly end. No pressure. The point of the game is to answer all sorts of  personal questions in the hopes that you will get to know me and maybe I can sit at the mean girls table. I love mean girls… love to punch them. KIDDING! Sorta.

Where were you born?

If I tell you this, then you could steal my identity. But then the joke would be on you because someone already did that…twice. This is why you won’t be able to buy a Cadillac in my name, nor can I. My credit is on lock down and no way would you ever guess the super secret unlock password. So I will give you this- I was born in the North but because I love my  Texas residency more than my credit- I can not tell you in which Yankee state. However, I moved to Texas when I was 2… or 4 … I can’t remember last year much less when I got here.  I consider Austin, Texas my adoptive birth place. My birth state can suck balls… she never sends me birthday cards anyway.

Were you named after someone?

Rumor has it that I was named after an Aunt, but my name is spelled differently. That’s ok because I don’t go by my first name anyway. I go by my stripper name. Better stories attached to tit. I mean “it”….

If you have children, how many do you have?

I have one. She is 20 and her name is The Girl. I couldn’t have any more after she was born. That shit hurt too much.

How many pets do you have?

Rebel Rabbit & Stir Fry

Rebel Rabbit & Stir Fry

Ten. Six are actually ours. The Man came with China. She was a mean little tri color Rat Terrier that he rescued from the pound. They were going to kill her because she was abused and

This is how the hobos thank me.

This is how the hobos thank me.

not friendly. By “not friendly” I mean she makes Mike Tyson seem friendly. He signed a waiver in order to adopt her and save her life. She passed away last month- after an exclusive 14 year romance with The Man. Only he could touch her AND keep his fingers. She still counts in our house. I came to the marriage with Rebel Rabbit- he was going to be euthanized as a kitten because he always threw up his food and had a deformed back. He is a black and white Manx and is almost three- he  is every bit Rebel and rabbit. And gay. Lola  strayed into our yard last summer. She was starving, had puppies and was dumped  in our neighborhood… sans the puppies. We took her in with the intention to get her well and re home her (you will soon notice a trend with our ability to re-home… we ARE the re-home).  I took her to the vet to get her fixed and they asked me what kind of dog she is. I said I don’t know… a Lab I think. The lady looks over the counter and says, “you mean a pit bull?”… yeah that’s what I said lady… a LabraBull. Duh!  We adopted Lola’s mini me from the pound- Trixie was thrown out of a car window and the lady that works at the pound just happened to be behind the car. Trixie is a little black and white Fox Terrier and every bit a neurotic co dependent stalker. We’re betting that’s why she was tossed out of the car. Dexter is a three pound brindle Chihuahua. If you ask him- he is a 250 pound, very fierce, big balling  pit bull. He and The Man have a near illegal bro-mance going on. He was abandoned at a camp ground…we took him in to get him healthy and re-home him…. two years ago. The last to join our home is Stir Fry. She was a cute little starving kitten that started hanging around so we decided to bring her in. As it turns out- she is the coolest cat ever… part cat, part spider monkey and part pirate parrot. She uses her dew claws as thumbs, can open Tupper Ware, likes to ride around on my shoulder and can mimic any bird she hears. Then there are four stray cats that come in, eat our food, let us take them to the vet and then go back outside. Essentially, they are our ungrateful teenagers, only coming home when they want food or need medical attention. Assholes.

What was your worst injury?

One day I decided to be athletic and went to play soccer with The Girl and my ex. I decided to leap up in the air and shoot the ball into the goal all Pele style. It was awesome until gravity yanked my ass down to reality. For that big dreams day I received a broken wrist and fractured ankle. My athletic career  started and tragically ended in a span of five minutes. My ego is still in need of physical therapy.

Do you have a special talent?

I can write with both hands, touch my tongue to my nose and I am crazy good at Words With Friends. I can run like a mother fucker in six inch heels, skate backwards and out drink most men. No hang overs either, it’s a gift from the Gods I tell you!

What’s your favorite thing to bake?

Cupcakes, yo!

I made these! Yummy.

I made these! Yummy.

What’s your favorite fast food?

Sonic. But not for their food- it tastes and looks like plastic. I love, love their fountain drinks and chopped ice. And their ice cream. If I have to eat fast food- that would be McDonald’s french fries. I don’t know what kind of tasty good crack they sprinkle on them but they are the bomb! Cholesterol bomb- but yummy just the same.

 Would you bungee jump?

Oh hell to the no. Are you kidding me? First- there is a math equation involved- I am very, very bad at math. My weight x velocity/ distance to the concussion at the end of the fall. No way. I am way too top-heavy and would piss and crap myself on the way down- thereby screwing up the weight ratio. Hell. No. Not even if there was a pile of size 10 mega designer shoes waiting for me at the bottom.

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Their shoes. You can tell everything you need to know by their shoes.

When was the last time you cried?

This morning when I stepped on the scale. Then I went to Sonic and got an orange cream slush. All better now!

Any current worries?

Yes. I had a shaving accident on my girly pieces two months ago. Now I have a bald patch…it will not grow back.

Name 3 drinks you drink regularly

Sutter Home’s Sweet Red Wine, sweet tea and decaf coffee. All of these happen daily. Some more than others.

What is your favorite book?

George Orwell’s 1984. Read it people. You will freak the fuck out when you see the similarities to today. Mary Pipher’s “Reviving Ophelia”. If you are raising a daughter you better read this book. Your eyes will be wide open and you will have an awesome daughter-mom relationship. Currently- I am stuck on anything David McCullough. He has a tremendous series on historical events. … lots of American History. Shit we should all know but no one teaches anymore. The Man gave me all of his books for Christmas… I just finished the one about the Brooklyn Bridge. 

Would you like to be a pirate?

No way… have you ever smelled a pirate or seen their teeth? They all seem to be missing an eye, leg or arm. Not that there’s anything wrong with that … but I prefer good hygiene and my parts in pairs.

What are your favorite smells?

Vanilla, cherry and fresh out of the drier laundry. My go to perfumes are Chanel No. 5 and Calvin Klein’s Euphoria. I love the way The Man smells and I can’t be around The Girl without sniffing her hair.

Why do you blog?

I have shit to say and I like being a voice for others that can’t or won’t say what they need to. It’s my mountaintop to scream from.

What song do you want played at your funeral?

I’m not having a funeral. I think they are a big fat money grab and I don’t want The Man and The Girl to have to plan such a thing. Give me flowers while I am alive to enjoy them, talk to me while I can still hear you and respond and travel to see me while I am still above ground. Speaking of above ground… don’t bury me either- that’s a shit ton of money The Girl can use for whatever. Toss my dead ass in the oven and be done. Have a party with bar b que, good whiskey, tell stories of us and have metal bands playing in the background. Celebrate my life and move on, people.

What is your least favorite thing about yourself?

When I was younger I hated everything about me because I thought I had to. I’m 41 now and I love me.

What is your favorite hobby?

Gardening. I love to play in the yard. Mostly because no one wants to help and it’s guaranteed alone time. If it’s crappy outside- nothing beats a great book, a warm blanket and a glass of wine.

What do you look for in a friend?

Authenticity. Compassion. And whatever the opposite of selfish is.

Name something you’ve done that you never thought you’d do.

Get married… three times.  Be a mom. Be a published author (several times now!)

What are your favorite things to do?

Anything outside in the warm sun (not tanning though- I slather on the  SPF) and anything with the family… but I won’t go near any kid centered places. Gives me anxiety. And I can’t have booze there.

Any pet peeves?

Asshole people that talk shit behind other people’s backs. Be warned: I will call your ass out on that. Fo shizzle!

What was the last thing that made you laugh?

The neighbor kid. While I was typing this post- he walked across my rock garden and tripped and landed on his head. That’s what he gets- I’ve told him a bazillion times to stay out of my yard. Hope he has a headache.

Now, I am supposed to tag other blogs to play blog tag … leave a comment if you want me to link yours!

Directions: 1) Tell everyone who tagged you (that would be me)      2) Answer the same questions I did    3) Tag more Bloggers  :)

Rocker Mom Rambles

You Know It Happens At Your House, Too

My Career Impact

The Craziness In My Head

The Real House Wife of Santee

Organisation

Image

You’re Gonna Get Your Feelers Hurt: Debuts in a Magazine!

14 Feb

Vday_Liquor Store 2.14.13

Kittens, I am now writing a monthly advice column in a slick fancy magazine! Look at us be fabulous! Here’s a little tease…. but you’ll have to click the link below to see what I tell a couple of woe is me Valentine love birds!

Ahhh, Valentine’s Day. With all of its romance, sexy expectations, overcrowded restaurants and scratchy lingerie… what’s not to like? I say everything. Just from the questions this week – it’s pretty clear most of you don’t really look forward to 2/14 as much as you do to 2/15 or whatever date you have a colonoscopy scheduled. Let’s dive right into your questions- I promise I won’t be gentle….

Click here to read the Q;s & A’s in my debut column in Austin Fusion Magazine!

Can’t wait to hear what you think!

Image

It’s Not You. It’s Not Me. It’s Abilene.

11 Feb

I haven’t posted since June when I wrote about my big brother on Father’s Day. I wrote about the loss of his and his wife’s daughter, Sammi Jane. Their only daughter. Their only child. From there I surrendered to my omnipresent and proverbial dark side. Or as my favorite tv guy Dexter would say, “my Dark Passenger”. I have one daughter; one child. What if something happens to her and I am 3.75 hours driving time away … going 85 and treating red lights and stop signs as mere suggestions, not laws. What Ifs can spin out of control and right into Crazy Town… even with doses of anti depressant on board. Then I feel like a giant asshole for even comparing my life to theirs. How dare I even think that- much less say it out loud.  And so silence and I became quick friends. Brooding partners in desperation drumming up all sorts of escape plans, play acting through what if scenarios and staying in constant contact with The Girl. Every day on high alert in case Mommy, me, was needed for anything.

Nineteen months ago, The Man and I set out for a great adventure. We moved to his home town, bought a perfect story book bungalow and set out on our new Harley to explore. Within the year we got married, adopted various pets and built his real estate business. I have been trying new things: a waitress, a Junior League girl, a roller derby chick, a property manager, a baker and various other things. The Man said to take a year off… try things I have always wanted to do and enjoy myself. I have tried so many things- but I miss my daughter every single minute. The absence of her in my daily life overshadows any fun or growth I could extract from new experiences. I have tried. Really, really hard. I don’t think I have ever committed to something so huge and stuck with it for so long. I have never purposely moved from day to day with such conviction- knowing every day will just bring more heart-break and loneliness.

He’s lived all over the world and adjusts to uprooting like a pro. I have lived in Austin, Texas since I was five. I have no memory of living any other place for the next 36 years of my life until we moved to Abilene. Until then, I saw The Girl every day for 18 years. My sister, my friends and our friends, were constants in our lives. Some of our friends we haven’t seen since we got married. Over a year ago. I miss them. Austin was always humming along with us and offering all sorts of diversions, shopping and food. Experiences. Creativity. I crave that craziness.  I am no good at up-rooting. I am really, really bad at it. And I miss my daughter.

I missed her first big broken heart. I missed her first job interview. And her second. I wasn’t there when her horse Faith, who had all of The Girl’s rodeo dreams saddled to her Palomino back, was declared lame. I wasn’t there when those same dreams had life sprinkled back into them by a generous cowboy who gave The Girl Trooper; a Chocolate Palomino. I haven’t been there for all of the training and love she has given them. And them to her. I missed her first day of college. I was there on every other first day of school and  I was front and center for every other first. I can’t stand that I missed the firsts of her adult life. She still loves me, though. Even tells me how proud she is of me for giving love another try after a devastating divorce. For moving away from her and trying a new city. For trying new things and for never once falling in derby practice. She is stronger and better than I am. There is no doubt.

The Man has endured all sorts of craziness from me. If I were him- I would have left me. Sent me packing a long time ago. I don’t feel like me anymore. I only feel like me when I am on my way to Austin- which he makes sure happens pretty much every month. I have gotten out of my car and silently hugged the Austin city limits sign when I roll into home for a visit. I cry every single time when I see it beg me to stay in the rear view mirror on the way back to Abilene. The Austin high travels back to Abilene with me but it is always quickly displaced by Dark Passenger: squeezed out by loneliness, silence and anxiety. The Man has stuck it out with me and for whatever reason he still loves me. I’ve been hard to live with and hard to reason with.

It’s been hard being us.

It’s been hard being me.

Graciously, lovingly, because he wants me to come back to life; we are moving home. It will take time, will be a process but Austin is right there on the horizon.

I can hardly wait.

Voting ends on 2/13/13 @ 4PM PST

Voting ends on 2/13/13 @ 4PM PST

 

I’ll Have A Venti, No Whip Iced Coffee. And Handcuffs.

17 Apr

 I finally found my scale, packed at the bottom of winter clothes probably so I didn’t have to see it again for six months. For whatever reason, I stepped on the lying son of a bitch. Oh dear Jeebus it’s bad news. Very bad, epic train wreck, make me go throw up the last two months of meals and possibly cut my thighs off bad news. I text Carrie, tell her the tragic turn of events. She says, “It’s okay, we can do this. We’ll kick ass like we did when we were 24!”.  “Okay”, I say, “right after I get off of the suicide prevention hot line and stop crying”. I need peace, quiet and some alone time to search my soul and possibly kick myself in the ass for letting this happen. Again. So I went grocery shopping. I realize most people would rather poke their eyes out with their own tongue and not grocery shop, but for whatever reason, I absolutely love it. I find the world’s best parking spot, right outside of the exit ,and  bonus, in one of those fat parking spaces nestled between a curb and a cart return thingy. I skip out of my truck and walk to Starbuck’s. It’s not a long walk, but normally I would have hit the drive thru and then go park. Points are stacking up for me already! Yippee! I order my all time favorite low-calorie, no sugar, no dairy because it makes me have bad bathroom , icy cold coffee cup of fabulous! This is when I decide that Starbuck’s employees must get bonuses rated on a scale of 1 to Bitch Slap in regards to how badly they can annoy a customer with a shit storm of questions.

 

“What can I get started for you?”

“I would love a Venti Mocha Frapaccino Lite with soy, no whip and no sweetener.” See- I am pretty sure I just covered all of the information the need.

“Would you like the syrup added?”

“No thank you, no sugar. Please.”

“It tastes better with an extra pump of chocolate!”

WTF! Which part of lite are you missing. Do I LOOK like I need EXTRA chocolate? My fucking scale needs therapy from this morning’s weigh in and bitch attack and you want to offer me more fat for my ass. Excellent, douche canoe, now I will definitely need that suicide prevention line on speed dial. But Nice Cat says, with a smile, “No. No thank you. I would not like any sugar, syrup, chocolate or any extra other ass expanding ingredients added.”

Barista laughs, “Oh that is so funny!” Bitch, I am not laughing. I am about to cross over from Very Happy to Get a Special Iced Coffee Cat and become your worst nightmare AKA as Fuck Suicide, I’d Rather Go to Jail for Punching You in the Head Cat. Now blend my coffee before an epic bitch battle breaks out here in your shiny hipster infested lobby. M’kay? It looks like my irritable, scrunchy eyebrow look has delivered the appropriate message, perhaps I will now get my coffee so I can go shopping and be happy.

“Did you want whipped cream? I always put extra!”

I will not kill her. I will not kill her.
 
”No. Thank. Youuuu.”
 
Life sentence in prison averted and coffee in hand, I walk back to the grocery store and wrestle my cart out of the tangled mess at the door. I strap in my purse, get out my list and pen and look for all things green, leafy, healthy and on the perimeter of the store. Things are going awesome, I am calming down and starting to have big hopes and dreams about finally losing 75 pounds while I sip on my delicious iced coffee. And then they appeared. A screaming, fighting, back talking bunch of out of control monkey kids with oblivious parental units ignoring their bad behavior! I guess as long as the brats are bothering anyone but them , it’s okay. Wouldn’t you know it, I don’t have my tazer or Xanax with me so I quickly move on to the next aisle. More of them there. I look at my watch, is it five or something? Why am I seeing so many freaking people all of a sudden? Where did my holistic shopping trip go? Fuck me! It’s the 15th and everyone just got paid and there will soon be a WWF smack down match going on by the meal deals and Little Debbie snack cakes! There will be no peace. No quiet. But that trip to jail is starting to look like a strong possibility.
 

Peace , Love & Justice for Cisco

15 Apr
Cisco as a puppy.

Cisco as a puppy.

 You Kittens know that I totally ban all political fucktardery from this and my FaceBook Page. I am making an exception, because Cisco’s story must be told. You know I am a big, BIG animal advocate. Without my retarded gang of Rebel Crabbit, China the Zombie Dog, Trixie the Co Dependant Fox dog, Dexter the Serial Killer Chihuahua and Tiger the Freeloader cat, well, life just wouldn’t be fun. I was in the middle of writing a bitching rant when the FB post (copied below) popped up.

I am quite literally in tears after having read this. I can not even begin to imagine what Mike, Cisco’s Daddy, must be feeling tonight. Aside from lonely, broken and helpless; the pain can’t be measured. As you will read below, an Austin Police Department “officer” was at the WRONG address, shot and killed Cisco in his yard as Mike stood helpless. The “officer” did not apologize but blamed MIKE for Cisco’s death because Cisco wasn’t on a leash in HIS OWN YARD!!!

Not. Even. An . Apology.

Now I am just going to take the liberty of sharing this in hopes that our little club of crazies can put some momentum behind justice for Cisco. There are 10,000 of us reading this blog everyday, 55.5 thousand of us on the FaceBook page and a combined reach of 2.8 million people. Between us all “liking”, “sharing” , calling APD and emailing- surely we can help comfort Mike and get some sort of justice for Cisco.

After you read Cisco’s story below, I hope you will take action by lodging a complaint to APD. Here is the information I found on their site: www.austintexas.gov

* Office of the Police Monitor:  (p) 512.974.9090  (f) 512.974.6306 (w) www.austintexa.gov/department/police-monitor

*Officer Misconduct: (p) 512.974.5200

An  account of Cisco’s last day, written by Candace Michele

I am usually not one to get into the politics of people’s opinions of law enforcement. I know there are good and bad people in every walk of life, but I always try to give the benefit of the doubt to those that are in a position to “protect and serve”. But yesterday, a harsh reality was “served” when I received a phone call from a very near and dear person to me. The words I heard

Cisco grown up & happy

Cisco grown up & happy

coming through my phone were nothing I would have expected in a million years—a very distraught voice saying, “The cops just shot and killed Cisco! They killed my best friend!” In shock, I asked what had happened. At the time, I only got a very brief description, as Michael Paxton was in shock and traumatized over the horrific loss of his dog. I immediately drove to his place (which is about 30 minutes away). When I arrived, I found him clutching Cisco’s body, crying and trying to understand what had just transpired.

Apparently, unbeknown to Mike, there was a domestic disturbance between a male and a female in his neighborhood, and the Austin Police Dept was called in. Unfortunately (seems like such an understatement), Mike found out quickly about the call when he walked into his driveway from his back yard where he and Cisco, his Australian Cattle Dog (Blue Healer), had been playing frisbee. Police officer T. Griffin, Badge #6778, was standing behind Mike’s vehicle, in his driveway. Before Mike even realized Officer Griffin was there, the officer had pulled his gun on Mike, yelling at him to freeze and put his hands up. In a panic, Mike stated to the officer that he lives there, and asked what and why this was happening.

Hearing the commotion, Cisco came from the back yard and into the driveway, barking at the officer, as any dog would do. Mike’s hands in the air, a gun pointed at him, he was afraid for his life, and therefore could not move or attempt to quiet or restrain Cisco. He told the officer that Cisco would not bite him, to please not shoot his dog. Almost immediately, a bullet was put into Cisco’s chest, killing him instantly. Mike still leaned against his truck, unable to move, was not allowed to even hold his best friend as he took the last breath of his abruptly-shortened life.

As was realized after this horrific event had transpired, THE COP WAS AT THE WRONG ADDRESS!!! An innocent man was traumatized by not only having a gun pulled on him by someone that is supposed to be there “to protect and to serve”, but his best friend of seven-and-a-half years was wrongly shot and killed. FOR WHAT?! Because Officer Griffin did not confirm where he was supposed to be before these events transpired!

Nothing will likely happen to Officer Griffin for any of this, as his supervisor arrived after everything took place, and she defended his actions. Mike was given the officers’ information, as well as a phone number to call, if desired. No apologies, no sympathy. Nothing. The officer even told Mike that Cisco should have been on a leash! IN HIS OWN YARD?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?!

We ended up taking Cisco’s body to be buried at a friend’s house, out in the country. Four of us spent two hours digging and breaking through limestone-filled ground, to make a hole large enough to lay to rest this man’s best friend and companion.
There are so many things wrong with this situation, that I just can’t even express it in words. My heart aches for you Mike. I know how much you love Cisco, and how much Cisco loved you. Although I am not sure what justice can or will be served in this case, your story will not go unheard. Along with many of your friends, in an effort to gain some sort of justice for you and Cisco, I am tagging all of our local news media here to get the word out.

This type of excessive force has GOT to be stopped. There needs to be consequences for behaviors such as this. There needs to be a system of “checks and balances” used, to be certain this type of thing doesn’t happen anymore—none of this would have occurred, had the officer just VERIFIED THE CORRECT ADDRESS before pulling a gun on Mike and his dog. I urge anyone and everyone that reads this, to please share this story, and let it be known that these happenings aren’t just things we read about going on in some “other city”, but right here, seriously affecting people we know and love.

Share, Like, Email and call. Next time this “officer” ,or another, can’t at least respond to the correct address; it will be your pet, your child or you.

 I hope you will take action by lodging a complaint to APD. Here is the information I found on their site: www.austintexas.gov

* Office of the Police Monitor: (p) 512.974.9090 (f) 512.974.6306 (w) www.austintexa.gov/department/police-monitor

*Officer Misconduct: (p) 512.974.5200

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 16,436 other followers

%d bloggers like this: